- You must engross that No environment is perfect
- You shall be aware that things travel across White, Grey & Black. Not always White & Black
- You need to sit maturely with your life partner and talk through what you want
- You must understand & appreciate your life partner’s views & compromises before talking to anyone else based on your definition of complete happiness
- You must remember that in today’s world, Equality is gender-neutral
- Before you argue with your life partner, swap the gender in your mind and think would you argue otherwise
- You must realize that domestic violence is gender-neutral term and should be in it’s definitions too
- You must also remember that domestic violence includes mental, emotional, psychological tortures and harrassing behaviours
- Your side of family members are family for your life partner in the lawful framework
- You must learn to forgive though protect yourself
- You need to learn how to respond to unethical, unprofessional behaviours from family members without loosing your own ethics & professionalism and in truely educated & dignified mannerism
- Do not control your partner by emotional bullying, psychological bullying, physically, financially
- You need to learn to handle not so good behaviours of the people in your both sides families, though also appreciate the good behaviours towards your marriage from the same person
- If you are talking to your side of family members, friends, colleagues then do not get provoked and do not trouble your own partner
- You must learn to ignore provocative comments in group gossips / discussions and where it comes from, most of them do not have the complete understanding
- You must learn to take social comments lightly and work with your partner in a constructive mature way to stop it
- You must learn to practice to tell your side of family members to follow protocols & guidelines
- You need to be able to discriminate the unpleasent energies / behaviours from either sides of the family members
- You shall learn to regulate ego, anger, provoked thoughts
- You do not have any licence to abuse your life partner
- You shall observe and know the phobias, anxieties, addictions of your life partner and see how you could constructively channelize it
- You shall follow the methodic approach of getting things done in the home. Work on establishing process with ongoing retrospecive & improvements to the process
- You shall try to follow 80-20 Or 90-10 rule. That is 80%-90% of what you enjoy / wish to do – Do along with your life partner
- You can create 1-page matrix on your own health and share with your in-laws for reference, at the begining of the marriage and then as per circumstances
- You shall not let group politics ruin your relationships
- You shall think where you can improve yourself & your life partner, instead of blaming
- You need to consider the your partner’s transition from birth order to the new place post-marriage – That is from Eldest to Middle / Youngest, Middile to Eldest / Youngest, Youngest to Eldest / Middle And be considerate that it takes a good amount of time to settle in the place & to establish the flows on the both sides of the new orders
- If you are talking critically to someone else about your life partner or your in-laws family memebrs Then ensure you have talked through it thorougly with your own life partner first
- Check that you are on listening mode in a mature way when your life partner presents concerns / views
- When undertaking & working towards outside Wife-Husband wider family goals; ensure you are being careful about taking every-now-and-then required small stands to protect & nourish your partner & the marriage. And continue the steadiness of the values Honesty, Trust, Transparency, Consent, Empathy with your life partner
- Be curious & query though do not be toxic rather practice constructive truely educated criticism
- If in doubt or in complex matters, support your own life partner and best protect rest all in gross way and then keep doing your duty towards them
- You must not compromise on your own sensitivities when performing duties & goals towards your side of family or towards your partner side of family
- Protect your & your life partner’s growing adulthood and then do the duties towards the others including parent-in-laws and other extended in-laws
- Keep the environment & soil around your marriage plant nourishing. If not then handle the behaviours or shift the marriage plant position to bettter. Keep handling & shifting. Its ongoing process towards current or new incidences . Protect the boundaries of the marriage. Give the fruits & flowers to families, extended families, friends, colleagues out of this plant. As then your focus is on the acts towards keeping the marriage happy and then carry acts to spread the happiness without ruining the actual plant
- You shall use your words wisely with your life partner & about your life partner
- You shall know that the non-listening, repeatitive abusive family members. In order to carry the best duties towards them & for them as a dutiful being, as a next step get away from them as soon as you can, and dispossess them of the opportunity to abuse you. Thus they will stop accruing negative karma. And you can focus on executing smart & wise Karmas
- If you want to change how things are being run currently then ensure there are no violent executions, instead sit maturely with your life partner to appreciate good points about current process and put forward the outdated points to discuss the need for upgrade
- You need to stay with gratitude to your in-laws & lineage in your mind & head for the energy you have received from their family in the form of your life partner
- You need yo appreciate that every action has consequences and that ‘Thoughts + Action implemented => Karma’, which also implies that when there is no action seen, it does not mean there were no thoughts
- You will enter in the situations which are uncalled for, which are driven by others expectations & related acts, by other taking you for granted, few embarrassing few you would have never ever thought of you to be in such scene & otherwise hurtful for yourself while for others it is a laugh & fun or a sense of power & control – Please tell to yourself (1) The origin of such is not in your control (2) My life partner is not the origin of it (3) What I do with the situation for the best of my Karma, my life partner’s Karma and the marriage and finally to rectify the righteousness of the original act/(s) causing nuisance in the marriage is upto me
- You need to learn to not to be harsh on yurself & your marriage for the moments in past where you / your life partner / your marriage did not have the complete understanding / forcasting for any matters
- You need to write letters in mature words to your in-laws if you are taking any stands
- No journey is smooth, there will be damages, there will be feeling of powerlessness, feeling of not getting enough support. You need to learn to combat through it without affecting your relationship with your partner
- Keep creating dignified & nourshing environment for your life partner
- Maintain the Health & Privacy of your Life partner & your marriage
- You need to be aware of pokers, splitters, provokers, pullers, uncalled accessors, power control executers, mental pressure builders, anger/rage/revenge holders, bullies, unwanted advances, expectations forces, victimizers, insult injectors, be-part-of-us entities
- You need to be able to identify unhealthy political plan runners
- You need to keep your mariage distant from the people behaviours where they are not honest, not transperent, not trustworthy, not empathetic, suppressing your voice & stand & support and acting without consent
- With your life partner, together you have masculine energy to lead effective channelization, to protect, to be provider and feminine energy to flow fearlessly. To practice stillness moments, creativity, feelings, senses, assertiveness, goals, accomplishments
- You must learn to not bring unpleasent past incidences in everyday communications
- Instead of what you want, how you are achieving plays bigger role for your life partner
- You must know that we are not perfect, That is why we are born again and we are product of our life experiences & environment
- In family politics, Practice acting as a role model and show in acts how to execute things in truely educated fashion
- You shall expect the unexpected as you may enter in situations where people who were supportive to you will turn against your life partner and your marriage
- You must learn how to Protect, Support, Rescue your life partner fromthe loved one’s intended or unintended harmful or hurtful acts
- Your life partner will have his / her own health care framework, career & colleagues, family network, income, savings, investments, expense & shoppings needs and vent out
- Your life partner will have own beliefs & values
- You shall plan to keep / make your marrige financially independent
- In financial matters & decisions – Do not act childish. Do not act immature. Do not act careless. Do not be nagging. Do not be goalless. Do not be unrealistic. Do not be dreamy
- Work out with your life partner by having a formal meeting to set marriage organization 4-5 values framework & long term goals
- Work out with your life partner – Annual goals – budgets – efforts timelines, Quarterly review, monthly catch-up
क्रोधाद्भवति सम्मोह: सम्मोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रम: | स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात्प्रणश्यति || 63|| – Bhagavad Gita – Anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined
- Shashank.