With your child’s marriage…
- Your child has chosen his/her life partner
- To be able to grow together in his/her own life journey
- To be able to give & receive from his/her life partner the behavioural flows of
- Support
- Assistance
- Love
- Stand
- Voice
- Respect
- To Practice with his/her life partner the values of
- Honesty
- Trust
- Transparency
- Consent
- Freedom to act
- Empathy
- Openness
- Forgiveness
- You need to affirm in your mind & head that It is your married child’s duty to Love his/her life partner emotionally, spiritually, physically
- You must recall the verb at the marriage ceremony of your child that – ||Shubh Mangal Savdhan|| Or ||Attention Holy Marriage|| – The loud declarion itself demands the responsibilities of your married child & child’s life partner And everyone around to maintain the sacredness, purity & space of the marriage. Anything outside this is a monstrous act
- Your child is married after the defined legal age because your married child is capable of onboarding new responsibilities in his/her life towards his/her life partner
- Your child’s duties & responsibilities towards you are of his/her own and not of his/her life partner, unless your child needs own life partner’s assistance to perform those
- You may have right over your child in his/her child’s role towards you though you have no rights of exercise of control over your child’s life partner’s Health & Privacy. That is also violation of the human rights, and it is illegal
- In addition to Health & Privacy, You shall not interfere / damage ino Career & Finances
- Along with marriage behavioral-flows & values to practice, your married child will be working continuously with own life partner to form a good karmik assistance & to solidify agile finance management across the sprectrum of collaboration, coordination & cooperation
- Your child’s marriage is sacred and has its own space with no access to others
- You must understand that being liberal & modern in acts starts with checking comfort & consent and if you check these two, it shall assist in saving the most precious thing – dignity
- Your concerns about your child’s life partner are your child’s worry and not yours. As those may not be concerning from the view of your child towards his/her life partner
- Your primary point of contact need to be your own child and not your child’s life partner
- Your expectations, worries, concerns, goals need to be put forward with your own child 1st And then if you are bringing those in front of his/her marriage organisation or in front of him//her along with his/her life partner; then ensure mature communication & words
- You must be careful to not cause downfall of humanity under the umbrella of rituals & traditions
- Your child has all rights to say NO to any of your expectations if he/she feels that those are going to make negative impact on his/her marriage organisation with his/her life partner
- At the same time, even if your child is OK or intitating executions of few things with you, You shall not assume your child’s ife partner and do a good-will health check with your child’s life partner if he/she is OK and not getting bullied / pushed by your own child to fulfill the expectations
- You shall do check with your child’s life partner that he/she is not a victim of domestic violence psychologically, emotionally, physically in the territory of your own child
- You must not act to enforce your own happiness in your child’s marriage framework, at the cost of your child or child’s life partner or their togetherness happiness
- You must not play false victim or the game that we are more victim than the child’s life partner or in the child’s marriage
- You must not soft target your child’s life partner
- You must not treat or demand unhuman compliance from the married couple
- You must not feel any extra powerful or proud over & in your child’s marriage because you have given birth to a particular gender, man or woman
- You must not run the happiness cyclone of your unspoken taken-for-granted unempathetic acts, which will make your child’s life partner, your child & the marriage tearful
- You need to learn to STOP when your child or your child’s life partner says NO
- You child gets married and starts a new family plant irrespecive of where the plant is located currently, could be with you / could be nearby you / could be away from you. You must not damage the plant or must not disturb the nourishing environment
- You need to build your own maturity to digest that your child & child’s life partner’s happiness will need to be oriented into each other and not in you
- You shall not put pressure on your child’s marriage organisation or your married child or his/her life partner
- You will be childish to use tools like Guilt, Shame, Blame against your married child
- You need to ensure that you act fairly to your married child along with his/her siblings, irrespetive of their ages & marital status
- Ideally you shall not expect such objectives / goals in your child’s marriage which you youself have not put, any efforts towards in, your own marriage. Still if you do expect and if your married child is committed to it then please ensure that you are a learner in the process of achieving the objectives / goals and be a good listener for the changes or steps
- When you are in health, do not cause trouble in your child’s marriage
- Your child’s life partner is not your daughter/son, she/he is the daughter/son in the lawful framework
- You shall not judge / treat your child’s life partner based on how you are used to treat your own child Or your pride about your own child or your prejudice about your own child
- You shall not treat yout child’s life partner as a doormat to practice ignorance & carelessness
- Do welcome & greet your child’s life partner in the first meet. Do not ignore / insult
- Your child’s life partner is not a toy / wish / object for your child
- Do not take your child’s life partner for granted. Listen to his / her views, values, roles, duties, responsibilities, goals
- You shall not act like a street goon in your child’s marriage and expect not to stand-up for the protection & dignity
- You shall not act boundryless in your child’s marriage
- Think about how you can make a better environment for the couple without throwing any blames & accusses
- You must not execute things with war intensity towards your child’s marriage to achieve your goals, it is not what you want though it is how you are achieving it that counts
- Your child’s life partner might have set aside other proposals before tieing knots with your child, so conduct your behaviour at gross to make it worth it and if in doubt stay neutral
- If you do need to have a sense of power & control, remember it comes at a heavy cost sooner or later and you will be inviting that playground for yourself
- You shall not kill / bully your child’s life partner for fun in order to get friendly
- You shall not make fun in the sensitive matters of your married child & child’s life partner
- You shall not learn from family drama series on television and try to implement from those immaturely at own home
- You shall not take advantage of your child’s nature to abuse your child’s life partner
- You shall not tease / challenge the manhood / womanhood of your married child / child’s life partner
- It is not easy for your own married child when put in situations where the important people of life like parents are attacking the life partner or creeping the boundaries of the marriage
- You shall not act immature, childishly aggressive creeping boundaries into your child’s marriage
- You shall not run the classic plans of keeping the child lazy & dependent and exercising control & power on the child’s life partner or exercising political pull on the married child
- You shall not run plans of pamper the married child and 1:1 abuse the child’s life partner
- You shall not play the typical politics based on keeping & retaining the kitchen control and restraining the privacy
- You must not play the strategies of divide & rule or split & execute
- You must not exercise power wrongly then blame the victim, blame the protector and then use supporting immature sentences which otherwise if acted are condemn outside your home
- There is enough population in the world & in the place you live in. There are enough men & women in that population. If you want to show / make your power then please go & exercise / prove in that population, instead of wrongly targetting your own married child or wrongly targetting / accessing your child’s life partner or stepping over their time with each other unnecessarily
- You shall not suppress voice, stand and bypass / revoke the support
- You can not scold or raise voice or throw anger on your child’s life partner
- Your child’s life partner can be very vocal to her/his social circle, colleagues, her/his side of the family about her/his life with you / your child’s side of the family
- You must not act / speak rudely or authoritively to your married child or your child’s life partner
- You shall not run the techniques of abuse->pamper->blame->guilt->abuse->pamper cycle
- You shall not use your married child’s name to push the matters / your own agenda in your extended family without consulting him / her
- If you do, it is a cowardly act to talk in harrassing tone to your child’s life partner or to tell off for your own child’s acts, it is victimisation. Have courage to sit and talk to your own child in mature ways
- Your child is answerable to all your words & actions towards his/her life partner; in a moral, ethical, legal way & as a good professional person & citizen. Hence any stressful situations purposefully created by you can hugely affect your own child’s personal as well as professional life & well-being
- Your approach of thoughts & acts towards Moral, Ethical, Legal framework of your child’s marriage plant / tree stands above all prides & politics of the home & home people
- You shall not put your married child in embarrassing situations and your child’s life partner in an uncomfortable situation
- You must not hurt / abuse / attack / harass / pressurize your married child or child’s life partner or their marriage for your own happiness / surface level plans
- Your child should not be bypassed at any cost when dealing with your child’s life partner
- You shall not be just loyal to your own selfish plans
- Your child’s time, energy, devotion, happiness, 1:1 time will be & will remain more towards the new life tree started And it is your duty to accept that in your mind & the head
- Your child’s life partner must to be treated with Dignity in the family
- Your child is an adult & a professional & a citizen, So is your child’s life partner; And this stands way above he/she being your child
- You can not insult your child’s life partner’s relations including the ones which he/she has built/developed
- It is your duty to support a nurishing environment for your child’s marriage
- You shall not act vulpine and disingenuous
- You shall not act with levity
- You shall learn to let go and not to start / pick uncalled & self-challenged battles
- Your child’s life partner’s health & safety shall be treated with utmost care & freedom to them
- If your child & child’s life partner gets divorced in future then you do not want your behaviour to be an underlying root cause for it
- You shall not run hidden plans in your child’s marriage
- If your child & child’s life partner gets divorced in future then they will need to carry their body to the next new begining so, do not be the person responsible to damage it
- Your child’s life partner is not an object for your own social image & credit
- If your child’s life partner not acting according to your wish then he/she may be having the same feelings about you as well. Live & Let Live
- Do not try to kill the Husband / Wife in your child for your own selfish reasons
- You shall not think about short term authority, rather think for long term harmony & peace
- You shall not think win over or I win – you lose in your child’s marriage
- You shall not disturb the calmness & peace of your child’s relation with his/her life partner for your own excitements
- You may feel proud about what you have done or have been doing for your child though that should not make you feel any superior than your child’s life partner side parents / family in terms of your child’s life partner
- You need to practice a tremendous self-control and detachment
- Your child’s life partner is not an object for manipulation with sweet words
- If your child’s life partner is standing up for own protection & dignity then that does not mean the person is showing attitude
- You must not try to manipulate your child because you know how your child’s brain work
- Your power need to create warmth and not the source of the heat
- You shall not carry the values such as – I run the show. I have power to run the marriage. Whatever I do my child will be OK
- You must remember to leave the things, moments & emotions in your child’s marriage, better than you find them. Do not spoil / damage
- You do not need to know everything from your child’s marriage
- You shall not drive / steer the marriage of your child
- If you are causing harm to your child’s life partner, you are causing harm to your child
- You must not overpower in the wrapper of I/we are helping / assisting. Ask if the assistance is required
- You shall take care not to interfere in the facts where either of them or both are not ok
- Intruding in health & privacy of your child’s marriage can cause long term psychological trauma and disturbed harmony of the marriage and can cause lifelong hate about the intruder/(s) in the married couple. It will be a no-win but loose all situation
- You need to take care to not make fun of your married child
- You can not arrange things with your child’s life partner without consulting your child first
- You shall be proactive to act as a wall if your child’s life partner is being a victim of anger in the hand’s of your own life partner
- Your child’s emotional circle will be shifting to his/her life partner and if you find it bitter, it is the truth you have to accept
- You have to align with the new emotional flow of your child and stand still
- You child & your child’s life partner need to spend time together most of the time / instances; And you will need to grow up to digest that
- You need to learn to listen to the views of your child & your child’s life partner
- You child & child’s life partner, they both, are performing role towards the new plant / tree they have started and which will continue to grow even after your existence
- You shall not isolate & abuse / torture and act like nothing has happened. Be Responsible
- You do not have power over your child or your child’s life partner, at any stage, even if you think you are on the giving side to your child or your child’s life partner in many ways
- You need to learn to regulate your own ego, anger, insecurity, urge for power & control and must not exercise it
- You must know that exercising power & control impacts mental & physical health and the resulting psychological trauma can lead to the following in the victim: depression, violent or irritated behaviour, emotionally numbnesss & dryness, sadness, bruised feelings, belitilled emotional impressions, unhappiness, anger, panick attacks & related acts, anxiety, addiction, lack of concentration, self-destruction, suicidal thoughts, creation of another bully, split personality development, dis-engagement from the environment. Typical other medical issues which arises but not limited to are blood sugar rise, blood pressure impact, renal deseases, cardiac deseases
- Your child’s marriage is a change & new start. Do not push. Do not squash. Do not pull
- You must not treat your married child or child’s life partner with disdain
- You shall not take controlling meetings of your married child & his/her life partner
- You need to keep in mind that initial years of your child’s marriage is the foundation towards the new tree
- You must know that most damages are caused to the marriage in the initial years as each of the in-laws would like to establish their own power control or political pulls, which gets executed and impacts the the foundation in the wrong way. Use it wisely to build the marriage environment & foundation and not how you would like to see it for your own plans / picture
- You do not own your child’s life partner
- You shall not see your child’s marriage as the picture you want to see / implement in your head
- You can not go and do whatever you want in your child’s marriage
- You must not ask your child’s partner to apologize to your own partner, just to calm things down. This is silent delegation / surrender of powers to your partner and silent victimization of the child’s life partner
- You shall not use tools like scratching of ego, creating disputes
- You can not win by creating troubles in the marriage
- Your child’s life partner is an energy you have received which the destiny has forgotten to give to you biologically and it is still bound to the legal framework
- You shall not support your own partner or act as bystander when he/she is troubling your child’s life partner
- You shall stay with gratitude towards your child’s life partner’s parents for the energy you have received & associated with your family
- You shall not be aggressive towards your child’s life partner and be passive when your married chid is around. Have your own ethics unform way towards your child’s marriage plant
- You have raised a Man or a Woman, not just your child. You have received another Man or Woman in the family, not just your child’s life partner
- You must refrain yourself from taunting your child-in-law on money, character, selfishness
- You can not make your child or his/her life partner feel powerless in their own marriage
- You must not cross ethical & legal boundries by acting violent, hostile, provocative and by crossing consent
- You shall not conduct threatening, passive-aggressive behaviour
- If you are financially dependent on your married child then you shall keep things straightforward, and work on honesty, trust, transperency, consent, freedom to act, empathy with your married child And emapthy, stand, voice, support with your child’s life partner. And ensure that you are not playing any politics to increase your own stability, causing the damages in the marriage & the marriage harmony
- You must not act by hitting / breaking / abusing the emotional chords of your child’s & child’s life partner’s togetherness emotional circle
- You shall not blame your child of being empoisoned by your child’s life partner
- You do not have power over or power to push down your child’s life partner
- You do not have power to pull away your child’s life partner from his/her karmas, duties, responsibilities, roles
- You have all powers to lift up & support your child’s life partner
- Just because you have given birth & raised – You shall not expect your married child to stand by your certain acts, which are causing issues in your child’s marriage with your non-ethical behaviour
- You must practice open mature discussions with your child & child’s life partner, when dealing with your child’s marriage
- Although it may sound easy in the moment, before you execute any political pull or control power push downs, ask the questions to yourself that – is this why you have given education to your child? Is it more important? Or letting the truely educated person & citizen flourish out of your child & your child’s life partner is more important?
- You can not run own plans in your child’s marriage, however holy your intended thoughts & actions may be
- If your child or your child’s life partner feels more safe outside home and getting / seeking support, for your interference / behaviour; then you really need to introspect yourself
- Your child’s life partner may chose to follow different faiths & beliefs than yours, which at times may be contradictory to yours. It is not your child’s life partner but you, who need to go on back foot and accept it Or Keep yourself distant from it, if that hurts your faiths & beliefs
- You shall not look at your married child & child’s life partner as a couple to compete with
- You can not attempt to put a gap between your child and his/her life partner, by any means, passive or aggressive; including bypassing, not being transparent, arranging plans involving your child’s life partner without consulting with your child, conducting acts of provocations, manipulations
- You must not try to teach your child to control her/his life partner psychologically or physically
- You shall not be acting nasty
- Your married child’s behaviour must change after the marriage to give Stand, Voice, Help, Support to his/her life partner. So do not use childish verbs like our child has changed after the marriage or we never thought our child will align other than how it was before the marriage or our child’s life partner has changed our child after the marriage – Yes they will change
- You shall not compete with your son-in-law over your daughter and you shall not compete with your daughter-in-law over your son
- You shall pick a new hobby, make new friends, to engage outside your child’s marriage
- You shall not take stands in your child’s marriage such as – Our married child is lying. Our married child is making false allegations. Our child’s life partner gets illusions. Someone from the extended family is keeping ill-intentions towards us & injecting negative energies
- You shall not create conflicting situations in your child’s marriage
- You shall not behave as 3rd party when your son-in-law or daughter in-law is looking upon to you as parents equivalent
- You shall not use initiation of threads of quarrels as a tool in your child’s marriage to increase your power for your own selfish goals
- You shall not act mischievous with your child’s life partner
- You shall not break the natural rhythm & orchestration of your married child & his/her life partner
- You need to start seeing your child & your child’s life partner as one single entity / energy
- You must not take any medical decisions for your child’s life partner / married child, without consulting with their life partner. It is their life and it is their decisions. Be transparent & communicative in such cases if you are in such situations
- If you are sensitive about your child then you need to expand that sensitivity around their marriage
- If you are more inclined / attached / biased to one of your child then you shall not ruin the marriage of the other child, with your careless words / actions
- You shall not use sentences such as below towards your married child – What have you achieved in this marriage? You are biased. You could have married someone better. Whats the need of doing certain things? You are obedient bull of your life partner. You are at the feet of your life partner. You are biased towards your life partner side. Your life partner is provoking you. Your life partner is selfish. Your life partner does not like us. Your life partner is very self-oriented. Your life partner has different priorities. Your life partner just want you & not us.
- You shall not aggresively demand & act towards Group formation politics, Be-part-of us politics, Stick-to-us politics
- Even if things looks like going good. You shall not assume / push your agendas as those might be the best & max efforts from the couple to maintain good healthy links with all associated entities
- Your, if any, ongoing control power heat, incidences, patterns can lead to gross bullying and harassment
- Your lack of Support, Assistance, Stand, Voice And Breaking of Honesty, Trust, Transperency, Consent, Freedom to act, Empathy, Openness And uncalled executions of power & control causing heat & damages – Is a clear pathway towards Victimisation & Psychological / Mental Harrassment
- Your home is part of a town, a country & still bound by the Citizen laws, do not conduct any domestic violence acts
- If Your child’s life partner decides to or is naturally more inclined towards her/his side of the family in terms of her/his time, energy, emotional evolution, Karma; Then do not build irritation in your head. Just calmly keep doing your duties
- You can not access to abuse the time & space your child is offering to you from his/her marriage organisation
- If you are feeding your sense of insecurity by induction of fear, violence, hunger for retaining power & control Then you need to really introspect yourself for values & beliefs
- Your child’s life partner is not a political opponent of yours
- You shall not be a political plan runner in the marriage
- Your child & your child’s life partner are not fool to not understand should you are trying to play politics acting oversmartly
- You shall not act careless, free-hit style. You are anwerable & you are accountable
- You shall not lie to your married child
- You must learn to live without having the hunger & drive for the control & power
- You must learn to live without victimizing anyone
- You must learn to live without getting provoked by own spouse words & analysis
- You must learn to live without surrendering to the political views of your own spouse
- You must learn to live without asking your married child / child’s life partner to surrender to your spouse and let them standup for themselves
- You must learn to live without uncalled access to your own child’s marriage
- Your married child’s role in thinking & acting will be more of a Husband / Wife or a Father / Mother. As far as you are receiving his / her duty as a son / daughter when required, you should be proud of it instead of getting scared / worried about it
- You shall not play good cop – bad cop strategy targetting your child’s life partner
- You need to know that the biggest support for the child-in-law in the illegitimate behaviours is the father-in-law against the monther-in-law’s behaviour and the mother-in-law against the father-in-law’s behaviour; of-course along with the life partner’s stand, voice & support
- Most important – Watch your own Tounge !
- When you open the mouth in your child’s marriage, try to open mostly to support or protect your child’s life partner, your married child & the child’s marriage’s dignity & sacredness
- You shall not create situations where the couple need to be continuously at the toe to fight for the basic rights of the marriage
- If your married child is living with you it brings more accountability & increased responsibilities into you to stay away within the protocols
- You shall not be a problem in your child’s marriage. Be part of a solution
- You shall not do such acts which otherwise you would not have tolerated in your own marriage in those years
- You need to be friend of your child’s marriage organisation
- You must know that every marriage is different and You are a learner in your child’s marraige as its a generation ahead with different diverse issues & problems to tackle in the outside world. You are ceasing & they are growing
- You need to believe that the married couple is adult and well matured to run their own marriage
- You must remember that often it will be what you chose not to do for your own selfish happiness causing damages, will make the marriage & your child & child’s life partner happy
- When your married child is talking with you, He is performing variety of roles. Do not throw political statements. Be a good listener. Align righteous
- If you are a mother-in-law or a father-in-law and if you can not support your child or your child’s life partner or their marriage environment, against your own spouse illegitimate behaviour, then you shall let your own child or child’s life partner do the job
- Treat your married child as a Man / Woman and your child’s life partner too
- Your child’s life partner is going to judge you based on the Stand, Voice, Support & Empathy received
- You need to work more towards giving your married child – Increased Honesty, Increased Transperency, Increased Trust, Increased Consent checks, Increased Freedom To Act, Increased Empathy, Increased Stand/Voice/Support. This will help you build a strong bond with your married child
- Your own married child will judge you based on your Honesty, Transperency, Trust, Consent checks, Freedom To Act, Empathy, Stand/Voice/Support and openness about what do you want
- Your child is performing a tough job of representing their Marriage or Union of the two families and also his / her family by birth. In Conflict situations, his / her priority will be always to Represent the Marriage and The Union of the two families And take Actions or Righteous Stands accordingly
|| ध्यायतो विषयान्पुंस: सङ्गस्तेषूपजायते | सङ्गात्सञ्जायते काम: कामात्क्रोधोऽभिजायते || 62|| – Bhagavad Gita – ‘Thinking about the objects (of the senses) arises attachment towards them; from attachment, arises longing; and from longing arises anger. From anger comes delusion; and from delusion loss of memory; from loss of memory, the ruin of discrimination; and on the ruin of discrimination, person perishes’
|| अहिंसा सत्यमक्रोधस्त्याग: शान्तिरपैशुनम् |दया भूतेष्वलोलुप्त्वं मार्दवं ह्रीरचापलम् || – Bhagavad Gita – ‘Non-violence, truthfulness, absence of anger, renunciation, tranquility, absence of fault-finding, compassion towards all beings, absence of greed, gentleness, modesty, and absence of fickleness are the qualities of divine-natured humans’
|| ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः || Om shanti shanti shanti
In my case, To highlight some of flows of unconditional good deeds towards my wife
By Father-in-law:
- Always talked good about his daughter-in-law in extended family and social or professional circle
- Assisted with full support during academic years
- Assisted with full support during courtship-tie with their son
- Assisted with full support during career / job hunt
- Assisted with full support in any shoppings / buyings, at the cost of own expense & labour efforts
- Generous in Givings to her with Love, exponentially more than what his own son has received from them
- Generous in Givings to kids with Love, exponentially more than what her own son has received from them
- Hard-worker towards her wishes & desires
- Otherwise good-by-heart, fun to have as an company & very giving, with limitations out of his own nature or his own marraige
- Taking care of any assistance required in her financial matters including taxes, account operations without any fees or gains; being transparent self-lessly at the cost of own health and financial loss; extremely trustworthy
- Taking care of household chores
- Full assistance in Grand-child’s daily studies
- Never ever asked / taken any financial help from his own son or his daughter-in-law
By Mother-in-law:
- Always talked good about her daughter-in-law in extended family and social or professional circle
- Assisted with full support during academic years
- Assisted with full support during courtship-tie with her son
- Assisted with full support in any shoppings / buyings, at the cost of own expense & labour efforts
- Generous in Givings to her, exponentially more than what her own son has received from them
- Generous in Givings to kids, exponentially more than what her own son has received from them
- Otherwise good-by-heart, fun to have as a company & giving, with limitations out of her own nature
- Taking care of household chores
- Support in Grand-child’s daily studies
- Never ever asked / taken any financial help from her own son or her daughter-in-law
By my Father-in-law towards me:
- Fair in dealings
By my Mother-in-law towards me:
- Took care of me as her own son
- Shashank.